Still on a Learning curve - - -

- - though I am still participating in Shimelle's class this year  I have discovered that this years learning is a little too sensitive to share this time. All my thoughts have gone into a very personal notebook which will probably never be shared with anyone. I am truly grateful for the prompts - but this year much of what I have written is too heartfelt to be anywhere in the public domain, and so stays only in my notebook.
I can say I am moving forward and not back - though the movement is infantismal at times - (is that the right word??) very tiny movements forward anyway - almost un-noticeable to anyone other than me perhaps.
Grief is proving to be a strange bedfellow as they say - - and I have come to the conclusion that the Victorians had an understanding of loss that modern society seems to have forgotten - grief cannot be hurried, I understand the need they had to wear black ( it is an armour, a protection almost) and to me feels like I am putting on my courage to face the world - and so I can cope with many things in my working life that, at present, seem trivial and of little importance. Yet I know life goes on - and as a family we are really trying to learn to live with our loss. I keep hoping that Time will really prove to be the Great Healer it is promised to be - not for myself particularly - but for my daughters- they are so young to have to deal with this emptiness in their lives - yet I know they are doing their best to keep moving forward.

So - todays lesson seems to be -- Use the things that help, even if they do seem outdated.

Thank you so much for stopping by - I am very aware if all those positive thoughts, prayers and love you send - and they have a value that is priceless - and means so very much to me.

Til later

Bannaghtyn, J xx

Moving forward - -

- - a particularly significant prompt for me today - and also a very difficult one. I am not sure sometimes just HOW to keep moving forward but know that I must or this loss I am living with will destroy not only the rest of my life - but that of my dearest and our girls. I returned to work today - so that was a step forward I guess. Sadly I felt as if I was in a parallel world - there - but not involved - and  I find I no longer care very much about all the waffle and twaddle that seems so important to management - it felt all rather meaningless for me - - and as a result my hard won equilibrium is very fragile tonight, yet I know I must go back again tomorrow.
Maybe it will get easier - I hope it does - at least enough to get me through until half term anyway. Only one way for me to find out though - isn't there? I have tried hard to be strong - and not fall apart around colleagues - and in that I think I suceeded, even though I felt as if I was on automatic pilot - however I have only managed half a day as I left at noon.
So - what have I learned today?  I think that todays learning for me comes down to this -

"Baby steps are all I can manage - and that is good enough"

Thanks for dropping in,
'Til later

Bannaghtyn J x

September 1st - -

- - and that means the start of Shimelle's Learn Something New Every Day class is just about to begin. I have participated in this class since the beginning - but suspect that this year's Learning might be slightly different to previous years. I know I will be looking forward to the prompts - I wonder if any of you are also going to be my classmates?

More creativity - -

- - thanks to Clare Charvill of the Graphic 45 Design Team 2012. I have been working on this project for a couple of months now - and it has been so amazingly helpful as I deal with the tremendous loss in my life. It has given me sometimes hours of respite from my thoughts - which circle endlessly - with no answers - and has been a lovely project to make. Clare offered this on her blog as an online class - and I signed up to it, to give me something else to think about - not every day - or even part of a day - but it has really helped me.
It is my version of the Reflections on Past Times Album by Clare Charvill, as my thought was to try to make a dent in the huge stash mountain I have aquired over the last 8 years. It is totally inspired by Clare's design and videos - it would never have got made as my own ideas seem to have deserted me along with my boy. My book is slightly smaller than the original I think - and my pages are made from black 6 &1/4 x 9 envelopes, most of which are sealed, though I have left a couple open and used them as pockets. I have used many of Clare's suggestions on my pages - just adapted them to suit my page size and my own paper choices.
It has been real therapy for me - so thank you Clare, you will never know how much help it has been.
Here are some photos of my pages - I hope you like it.

Thanks for stopping by -

til later,
Bannaghtyn, J x

Flip-Flop Wallet mini album - -

- - inspired by Clare Charvill of the Graphic 45 Design Team 2012. Clare made this as a Christmas album - (and her name will take you to her You Tube channel) but I really wanted to work with Graphic 45 Old Curiosity Shoppe papers so this is my version of her wallet album. Clare takes no take no credit for the original design - as she posted a link to a lady in Australia she had found on You Tube - but Clare did tweak it slightly herself, and I myself have worked from Clare's design. With the circumstances in my life at present I have found crafting to be one of the few activities that totally occupies my mind - so is therefore good therapy I think - it gives my mind a rest from the endless questions I have going around in it. Here are a few photos of my version of the wallet album.

It gave me a lot of pleasure to make - and I find Clare's videos are very inspiring - in my opinion she is up there with Laura - of Following the Paper Trail, Kathryn - of The Scrap Beach, Shimelle - of Shimelle.com, Jim - The Gentlemen Crafter and indeed anyone who shares their talents and skills via the web. Graphic 45 have an excellent eye indeed for picking up on new talent in their Design team.

Thanks for stopping by -

Bannaghtyn, J x

One day - - -

- - - at a time - it is the only way to cope - some days are good - some are very bad  - but I can now at least be creative again. It takes my mind off my loss and that can only be a good thing surely? Planning our next project for Craft club has been surprisingly helpful - so I do hope I am up to going to next meeting.
Thanks for stopping by - your visits are appreciated even though - at present anyway - sitting in front of a computer screen means tears are very close to the surface, so I am not blog hopping much, to return your visits.
Bannaghtyn - J xx

Ben - -

- - my darling boy

Ben

Remember me in sunlight, remember me in rain

Remember me with laughter - please forget the pain,

For though I am not with you – please think of me with joy

A blue eyed mischief maker – a smiling happy boy.

Think BMX, and skateboards, Heavy metal and head gear

Remember those beach parties, and Jonny’s basement beer.

Remember me with kindness, remember how to smile

Remember though I’ve gone away, for a little while,

I might be watching Countdown, or maybe, Babylon 5

Or maybe I’m crowd surfing with Black Orchid playing “live”,

Remember Raging Speedhorn , festivals or “dirty south”

Remember that I’ll be there – from those days of our youth,

Think Star Trek, well, how could you not? Or System of a Down

So smile when you remember me – from when I played the clown.

Jennie Hall

June 26^th 2012